Thoughts drive me crazy.

It all just drives me crazy.  Is that really how I feel?  or am I just being dramatic?  I have a short fuse when it comes to feigned incompetence.  Real incompetence I have no problem with, what gets me are the people that play dumb after they screw up.  I don’t know whats worse, claiming to be an expert when clearly you are not or pretending to be stupid to get out of doing something you clearly are perfectly capable of doing.  I don’t always live up to my full potential and clearly I should, we all should, but we all have excuses and sometimes actual boundaries.  My boundaries are imposed upon me by a faulty gene, or maybe more than one.  We are all a mixture of chemicals, swirling about in a sac we call skin and supported by a framework made of bones.  Sometimes through no fault of our own these chemicals are out of balance, not mixing quite right and when that happens the system grinds to a resounding halt. Often times I find myself staring into the jaws of life stuck static like a Deer in the headlights just waiting for the inevitable screeching, grinding, blood curdling halt of motion.  What is life like for people that are, for the most part, always in balance?  I will never know the comfort of a week of peace and confidence that the next day will be as good or better than the last.  A good day for me is often accompanied by a shallow panic that it won’t last past the next moment in time.  Lately I have been attempting to surround myself with new found friends as much as I can, it makes it easier to pretend I am ok.  I cope by overcompensation or by feeding off the strength of those that are holding it together better than I.  The people I feel the best around, the ones that feed me the most energy, are the ones I miss the most when not around.